i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
