okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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