my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
