So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
