it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
