Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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