Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
