You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
