you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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