my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
