My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
