i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
