Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
