Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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