the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
