I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize