bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
