I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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