Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
