Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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