i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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