He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
