Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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