you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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