Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
