I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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