Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
