Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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