went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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