someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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