it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Randomize
