Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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