Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
