Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
