i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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