My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
