We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
