So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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