..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
