a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He felt like a one man threesome
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
