We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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