found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
