One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
birth control should be required to get into college
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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