NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
