how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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