I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
