We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
