Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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