70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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