i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize