Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
