Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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