there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
