This is not my ceiling
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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