Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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