btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
