Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
