she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
