put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
