I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize