He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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