Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
