Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
