matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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