someone threw a dead crab at me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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