He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
