Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
