He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
