When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
