If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
