my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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