This is not my ceiling
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
