Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
