I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
